I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
