is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
