We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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