VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
