Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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