How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
