The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
