What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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