Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
