I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
