I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
