I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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