Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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