saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
