she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
