She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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