If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
