We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
