My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
