I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
