I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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