Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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