??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
