I think I am morally bankrupt
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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