I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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