I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
