i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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