I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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