ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
