i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
