May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
