I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
