Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
