I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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