i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
