i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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