girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
