Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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