508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
