youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize