My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
