So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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