sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
