God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize