we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
