I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just want to make out with him forever
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
