think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
