Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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