3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
