We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
