I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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