Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize