Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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