dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
