Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
