I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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