Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
