How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
