My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
