You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
