whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize