everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
