so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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