I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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