Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
