now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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