Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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