Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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