I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
