I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
