my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
