I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
